Flagrant Foul: Victory Wednesday — The Browns Actually Blew Someone Out?!

Let’s get into it.

Browns vs. Dolphins.

We’ve got something to celebrate, Cleveland — and it’s been a minute.

Not only did we win… dare I say… we blew somebody out.

I didn’t know what to do with my hands. I wasn’t screaming, pacing, or threatening to throw my remote. I actually enjoyed a Browns game — start to finish — without fearing a meltdown. It was calm. It was peaceful. It was… terrifying.

We just won. Wire to wire. No chaos. No heartbreak. I didn’t know we were capable of this.

Fan Rant: The Dolphins Are Down Bad

I didn’t think I’d see the day where another team looked more hopeless than us, but the Dolphins said, “Hold my beer.”

Mike McDaniel has officially gone from “quirky young genius” to “dude who looks like he took the wrong gummies before kickoff.” The man’s more interested in meme moments than playbooks.

And Tua? My guy was out there doing his best Oprah impression: “You get a pick! You get a pick!”

It was bad. Really bad. But you know what? That’s their problem.

For once, the misery belongs to someone else. I’m taking this W and running with it. Hope is alive, we’re somehow two games back, and the AFC North looks like a four-way bar fight between teams who all forgot how to play offense. 

Victory Lap: Defense Still Dogged

Grant Delpit is balling out. Every week, he’s everywhere — special teams, secondary, sideline to sideline. The guy’s locked in.

And Tyson Campbell? Welcome to Cleveland, buddy. Nothing wins over a new fanbase faster than a pick-six. That’s the instant “we love this guy” moment.

The rest of the defense showed up, too. Alex Wright looked great, Mason Graham created pressure, and Sunshine — that dude hits like he’s mad at the grass. He’s becoming that hard-nosed, fearless linebacker Cleveland fans live for.

The defense is the real deal right now. They’ve been carrying the load all year, and for once, they got a little help from the offense.

Offensive Offense: The Studkins Show

Look, I’m not gonna lie — the offense didn’t suddenly become Kansas City. But it did its job.

Judkins — or as I’m officially calling him now, Studkins™ — found the end zone three times. Didn’t crack 100 yards, but every run looked like a man on a mission. Tough, decisive, confident.

And hey, Dylan didn’t screw it up. That’s progress.

But… this offense is still painfully boring.

Everything is short. Dump-offs, checkdowns, five-yard curls. It’s like we’re allergic to throwing the ball downfield. I don’t know if Stefanski doesn’t trust the arm or the receivers, but it’s tough to watch.

And let’s be honest — Dylan’s been lucky. He’s thrown at least five passes this season that should have been interceptions. The football gods finally smiled on us for once, but that can’t last forever.

Still, it was enough. We scored, we didn’t implode, and for the Browns, that’s a win inside the win.

Flag on the Play: Stefanski Still Stefanski

I swear, every time I start to believe in Kevin Stefanski, he calls a play that makes me question my life choices.

We win the toss, it’s raining sideways, and we choose to receive.

Then the very first play — a right roll-out for a left-handed quarterback. What are we even doing?

We went three-and-out immediately. Classic Browns energy. But hey, the Dolphins were just worse. That’s literally the only reason this didn’t turn into another Stefanski postgame roast.

I’ll say this: he got away with one this week. Don’t make a habit of it.

Kickers & Keepers: Credit Where It’s Due

Joel Bitonio deserves a shoutout — just passed Joe Thomas for most consecutive games played. Absolute rock. The man’s been consistent, tough, and loyal. In a world of soft-tissue injuries and “questionable” statuses, Bitonio’s the one dude who shows up every Sunday.

And then there’s Andre Szmyt. Yeah, the same kicker we roasted after Week 1. Guess what? He’s locked in now.

Rain? Wind? Doesn’t matter. He’s hitting his marks, no hesitation.

I’m officially launching a fan club: The Szmyt Heads. Somebody print the shirts.

Hope Meter: Cautiously Stupid

So here we are. For one glorious Sunday, the Browns didn’t Brown.

The defense dominated, the kicker didn’t kill us, and the offense didn’t implode. Hope is back — dangerous, delusional hope.

Next up, we’ve got a winnable game, then the Jets, then a bye week.

If things break right, we could roll into the break on a three-game win streak.

Do I believe it’ll happen?

No.

But I want to.

Because that’s what this team does — gives you just enough joy to make the next heartbreak hurt worse.

But for now, I’m enjoying it.

It’s Victory Wednesday, baby. We actually blew somebody out.